When's the best time to find a "perfect" life mate?
Ever hear the expression you'll find your someone special when you're not looking?
There's a valid reason for "that". It's important we have a life worth "giving up" to share with someone new.
1. Don't go looking.
Personally, I don't think "looking" works. Single men or women are not lost socks. They can't be "found," because they aren't hiding. Instead, think about attracting the kind of partner you want in your life. Distinguish between hunting for something as though you were on safari (which, hello, you're not) and magnetically drawing a great person your way.
In other words, focus on doing whatever makes you feel even more stunningly attractive than you already are. If being a workout diva is your thing, sign up for a few sessions with a personal trainer. Consider competing in a triathlon. If conquering the work-world puts a swing in your hips, have a sit-down with your boss and wow her with your idea for generating 20% more profits for Q4. Does your light shine brighter when you've spent time on your poetry? Get writing. Step one in making a love connection is being the best, happiest, most fulfilled person "you" can be.
2. Reinvent your social life.
You aren't going to meet that compelling new squeeze doing the same ole', same ole'. So add some new options to those dinners with friends and Friday-night movies -- and expand your world in the process. Try sailing lessons, join an opera-lovers club, take a cooking class, volunteer with the Red Cross or study salsa dancing (or the tango). When you're in a new environment and absorbed in the excitement of a new enterprise, you're more likely to meet someone who is attracted to your blossoming interest -- and to you, too.
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Seeking New Love
Most of us know we tend to attract exactly what we put-out to the universe - but few embrace that reality. We usually just ponder what we want versus what we offer a future partner. I’m the worst in both these departments!
However, its wise to take inventory of strengths, weaknesses and potential faults that might affect new love.
In my own instance? I struggled taking criticism and hid behind my right to react accordingly because of abuse I suffered as a child. Finally realized, I needed to let go of that scar - and worked to develop skills that perceive criticism as helpfulness - which it usually is.
Are you in an unhealthy dating rut?
If you’ve read much about love and dating you’re aware a lot of us get in a habit of repeatedly attracting and dating the exact same person - just with different faces.
When this happens, we confuse what we think is the feeling of love with what’s actually just unhealthy recollections.
If you’re normally only attracted to tough guys? Try looking harder at what makes a nerd just as “strong” - at his core. If you always find yourself doing “rescues” - and get stuck fixing your mate’s messy life…set a rule not to date anyone like that next time.
Now’s a good time to clear your head and open your heart to people outside your comfort zone.
Most of us tend to examine the obvious: our physical presentation. Are we heavier than we’re comfortable being? I personally try not to conditionalize happiness on any life trait - but I’ll be the first to admit - I feel less sexy when out of shape.
Nothing wrong with starting a better diet or dedicating to a new exercise regimen before dating. However, aiming for perfection isn’t healthy - we’ll never be that - and neither will our partner. ((hugs))
Addressing Lingering Fallout from Transition
You’ll be a rare transsexual woman if you don’t face lingering effects from transition. I had ‘em - my best trans friends had ‘em - you might, as well.
You need to address them - since they’re often considered the most irritating aspects of dating trans-women.
A gender transition tends to be a very brutal journey. We endure lots of slights from the public at large & sometimes suffer a sense of abandonment from loved ones. It’s often devastating on careers & personal finances.
If you’re jaded from this process? You’re not alone. Lots of us are rather scared just after transition. However, jaded people don’t make healthy love partners.
Therapy is the best remedy. If money’s tight? Church is the next best bet. This healing is about letting go - learning to forgive.
Look at me, look at me…
One of the biggest complaints from transgender partners is the common narcissistic behavior found amongst members of the trans-community. Sometimes, this behavior is rooted in the transition scars just discussed. Other times? It’s a derivative of a negative self image.
If not improved?
It makes finding and keeping healthy love extra difficult.
Realizing: good sex is important to a healthy relationship
A transsexual’s gender transition is about gender identity - not sex or sexual orientation. How many times do we share and explain this concept during our journey? Lots!
We’re also unwittingly affirming to our brains that sex isn’t important. It is - to a healthy, loving, committee relationship. Some of us love track of that priority as a byproduct of our evolution.
Revisit this assumption if necessary.
I’m really a woman
Margaret Thatcher surmised it best: “Being classy is like being a lady: if you have to tell people you are - you aren’t.”
If you’re a woman? You won’t have to tell the world: that’s what they’ll see. However, if you expect the world to see you completely female because you crossed a legal threshold but sometime still act and sound like a man? You’re in for a long journey that will exhaust a future love partner.
I once had a challenging time not emotionally exploding after an occasional “he” or perceived diss. Looking back? I didn’t realize how much further I had to go.
My lot improved after I embraced being proud of the fact I was a transgender woman. In this world? If you’re 10% African American…you’re African American. Part Asian? You’re Asian. If you used to be a man? You’re a transgender woman: at best.
I’m not here to debate right and wrong - just reality. You can look like a woman, be treated as female, work as a woman and love as a chick - but you’ll almost always be a transgender woman in the eyes of potential partners & the world around you.
The key to success?
Quit looking at that - as a detriment.
Transgender, transgender…and more transgender
Another inhibitor to success is that many gals are obsessed with constantly discussing everything about being transgender with everyone they meet - including potential partners.
This ranked high amongst complaints by potential partners I interviewed. If your whole life & reading list is defined by transgenderism - you’ll likely spend the balance of it alone.
Making sense of common variables when it comes to dating
There’s a few other things you’ll probably want to consider before you start actively dating, including:
Age bracket - What age range is acceptable for dating and love?
Body & Beauty - Are there any particular features you find completely undesirable? Got a particular physical fetish that does it for you?
Degree of Stealth - We like to envision ourselves as nearly full stealth. Alas, for most of us? That’s not the case. Or strengths & weaknesses in this regard will sometimes affect a loved one. Owning it - makes it easier.
Money & Credit - Today’s generation of daters often consider cash & credit scores before getting seriously involved. Do you face any issues in this regard. What sort of financial circumstances are you willing to embrace or needing / hoping to find?
Sexual Orientation - We’ll go through sexual orientation stuff in detail with the upcoming sections. ((hugs))
Long Distance - Because of our uniqueness, a lot of transgender women find their best connections - are situated far away. Are you willing to consider a long-distance connection? If so, are there conditions you require in that regard. Are you willing to move to be with the right partner?
Chapters Includes in This Section include:
Finding Love as a Transsexual Woman
Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Starting on a Love Journey
Early Stage Gender Transition and Love
Sorting Out Your Sexual Orientation as a TS Woman
Dating and Loving a Man - for Transsexual Women
The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for TS Women
Lesbian Females with Transsexuals
Trans Lesbians: Love Between Two Transsexual Women
Transsexual Women that Love and Date Straight Females
Post Operative Transsexual Love