Post Operative Transsexuals: Love and Dating
Most of the important issues for love and dating amongst transsexual women are not genital configuration specific: they’re universal. However, some things are more impacted after you’ve completed GRS, including:
Love and Sex for Post-Op Women dating Men
At present, most post-operative transsexual women end up with lesbian women, other transsexuals - or they’re still with the wife they married as a man. For many? They’re wired to women. Thus, the evolution from heterosexual male to lesbian woman only represented a change of “title”.
Alas, an increasing number seem to be “evolving” to men - regardless of initial orientation. For many, the waning female attraction is rooted in reduced attraction to a vagina: since they now already have one & “see” it daily. Also, it’s only natural to want the benefits of the prototypical ying-yang of love.
If you’re a post-operative transsexual female and prefer dating men? You no longer compete or operate in the traditional crowd of trans-women. If you’re still doing that? You’re hurting yourself - since most of the guys that follow this clan are wired towards non-ops & pre-ops.
The problem with going against born-women? They’re vicious competitors! Thus, they’ll often - however blatant or subtle - out you to prospective guys: fair warning.
Many post-op women find traditional dating sites problematic. For valid reason, most feel compelled to mention the fact their transsexual at least some place within their ad - which often attracts trans-curious guys who’ve seen some tranny porn and want to explore the non-op / pre-op concept. Alas, most guys don’t even know the difference: ugh! Also, some men don’t react well to our history and feel they’ve been tricked. Others? Do fine. Just play safe and be smart, GF!
Also, if you’re seeking a committed relationship, being a post-op trans adds another issue for him: any man who ends up with a Postie is forced to sort through what that means to him, his family and his friends. Lots of men won’t do that after discovering our past.
The happiest love relationships I witnessed of post-op TS women wired to men found their mates during everyday life and living. In those instances, the man had a chance to first get to know and fall in-love with this amazing women and not be surprised by her history. Also, unless you’re drop-dead gorgeous? Most men aren’t nearly as willing to play the role of “financial rescue” compared to non-op versions.
The trans-girls with the most successful history with love and dating men have their stuff together. Alas, you simply must bring your A-game because of the level of competition you now entered.
This situation is improving as trans issues become more mainstream - but its far from a level playing field. Thus, it usually means a post operative TS woman has to be more beautiful, smarter and more fun than her female counterparts in order to be competitive for the same quality guy.
Is that fair?
Nope - but what about our transsexuality was ever fair?
Traps for Post-Op love and Dating Men
Living in Tranny Land
I’m a big fan of pre-op, earlier stage gals moving beyond any life within “trans-world” ASAP in their journey. However, for a single, post-op, heterosexual transsexual woman? Hanging around this crowd is usually unhealthy at almost every level.
The guys that hang around? They’re almost always looking for a non-op, pre-op. Also, continual trans-trans associations tend to promulgate the worst habits of trans-women - like a bad head-cold that keeps getting passed around a close-knit office.
For some gals who consider trans-activism an important part of their identity and future? There’s no way around this. For the rest of us? It needs to change. ((hugs))
Closeted Cross Dressers
Its hard to find a post-op TS woman who dates men that didn’t end up with a closeted cross dressing guy at some point during her love journey. That can hurt - since these same guys were often the most accepting, attentive, and caring partners they encountered encounter. Alas, there’s a hidden agenda. When a man’s being that nice? They’re usually is.
I would keep in mind what I discussed in previous sections: every man carries some sort of sexual perversion or oddity. If everything else about your connection is good? Why should it erally matter if he’s a cross dresser?
I’ve known more thaw one post-op TS women into men that reached a point where they didn’t tell men they dated about being trans. That’s rare nowadays for a couple of reasons.
First off? You have to be almost flawless to perpetuate the myth. Secondly? It’s a huge risk to your heart and physical well-being if he finds out later.
Alas, we all do what we must.
Love and Sex for Post-Op Lesbian Women
If your orientation is towards other women and you’re not married or connected to a woman you knew before transition? You’ve got some sorting to complete.
Dating Lesbian Women
If you’re into lesbian women? There’s a growing contingent of these ladies that embrace the idea of a transsexual partner. Earlier on, some lesbians fought trans-girl connections from a feminist perspective. The most important caveat to success in dating women lesbian women is that you possess almost no residual male edge when it comes to love and communication. That takes a lot of time to overcome - GRS doesn’t solve it - and some girls never lose it. Most often, trans-women retain it because many of their best friends are also transgender and it goes unnoticed. Lesbian women can be very discerning in this regard.
There’s also the “butch and femme dynamic” to resolve. Granted, those roles are less pronounced than they were previously - but make no mistake: fundamentally? They still exist. My dear friend Alice - now ten years post-op struggled with this issue when it came to dating lesbians. While her natural loving orientation was “femme” = the more nurturing, passive, pillow princess role…her attraction - was almost exclusively towards these same, more feminine lesbian examples. That - combined with being trans - cut her potential dating pool to an uncomfortably low number of candidates. Seems you can’t have your cake and eat it too - no pun, intended. :)
Some of the healthiest and happiest lesbian unions I witnessed with post-op trans-women was a trans-trans connection. Like any gay association, this requires give and take when it comes to sharing traditional masculine and feminine role and accolades - but can work well since there’s no issue being “trans”.
The hardest part?
Finding someone similarly evolved. We all know how brutal transition often is on a gal’s emotional and financial well-being. Finding two people in similar circumstances, with shared outlooks and values - who also find each other relationship appealing?
It’s more rare than you might think.
Chapters Includes in This Section include:
Finding Love as a Transsexual Woman
Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Starting on a Love Journey
Early Stage Gender Transition and Love
Sorting Out Your Sexual Orientation as a TS Woman
Dating and Loving a Man - for Transsexual Women
The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for TS Women
Lesbian Females with Transsexuals
Trans Lesbians: Love Between Two Transsexual Women
Transsexual Women that Love and Date Straight Females
Post Operative Transsexual Love