Renee Reyes - Meeting a T-Girl - Does This Mean you are gay?

the admirer's handbook

"I like T-Girls"

does this mean you're gay?

So you're fascinated by tranz-types, huh? Welcome to the club: lots of people feel likewise. You'll find very few guys who aren't at least intrigued by the allure of an attractive, totally passable, transsexual female.

Bet you're afraid you're the only guy you know whose drawn to tranz-women. Think again. Back in the days when I did lots of night-clubbing in Atlanta? I encountered men ranging from janitors to Fortune 100 CEO's every weekend. All shared the same sense of isolation & confusion you're probably harboring right now. In fact, I'm willing to bet one of your close male friends feels just like you do. It's been my experience that tranz-attraction is a lot like masturbation: 5% of men admit their yearning and the rest are simply lying their asses off.

So why's it such a big deal to admit you're attracted to tranz-girls? Simple. It's that scary little three-letter word. You know - starts with "G"... ends with a "Y"...can you guess the one I'm talking about?

Yep: gay.

At the very least? A guy worries he'll get labeled bisexual by admitting his interest And what about women who find themselves attracted to transgenders? What label does society tag on them?

All this begs the million-dollar question: Is a person really gay, bi...or what - if they're attracted to tranz-girls? Before I answer that question, lets first discuss a few other subjects. It'll help us arrive at a more understandable conclusion.

my qualifications

How do I know so much about t-girl attraction? First off, I've been going out as a woman (en-femme) for a very long time. That gives me lots of experience witnessing the phenomenon first hand. Does that make me qualified as a noteworthy opinion on this issue? Seems like a fair question. Honestly, I think I'm over-qualified.

Why's that?

First, I'm fairly unique. I actually spent a good bit of time in both roles - as an admirer...as well as a transgender female. Years before I more fully explored my feminine side, I dated tranz-girls (as a guy) and frequented the tg-friendly bars. In reality? I was less of an admirer and more of what I call an emerging t-girl, but we'll delve into that more later.

In the early 1990's, I came to grips with my personal sense of sexuality. I became a tranz-girl - period. At the turn of century, I began a course to complete my full transition to female. Thus, I've been a male admirer, a DRAG performer, a weekend warrior & a full-time transsexual female. If I develop another persona? I win a set of steak knives.

Along this twenty-five year+ odyssey I encountered all types of t-girls from around the world. I also came upon just about every type of tranz-admirer you could imagine: from the fabulous & famous to the repulsive & sordid. My comprehensive t-experience provides one unique & valuable insight: I have a pretty clear picture of what both you and her are feeling and where those feelings come from.

Thus, what started as a single-page of tips for tranz-admirers to meet a gal like me...turned into a much broader mission as I garnered more-and-more questions and comments from readers. Today, following countless redrafts and updates this section is known as "The T-Girl Admirer's Handbook". I continue to encounter a variety of men & women that find themselves attracted to tranz-types.

The bottom line?

When it comes to transgender-related attraction? I know my stuff, sweetie.

what's so hot about transgenders?

What makes tranz-females so enticing to certain people?

I suppose I'm preaching to the choir on this issue but it's still a good question. Based upon my experience? Most people attracted to tranz-women appear to be born...rather than made. If you ask them? Many can even recall with vivid detail their first tranz-encounter. It could've been an intensive relationship or a quick glance at a photograph. Regardless of time or depth, most admirers agree their first encounter with a tranz-woman stirred a sensation in their loins like no other. From that onset...they were forever drawn to tranz-type females.

Most beginners relate to the allure of something very different...the naughtiness, if you will. This attraction is actually quite similar to the obsession many men have with bisexual and lesbian women: it's the uniqueness of the situation. An attractive t-girl is without a doubt one of the more intensely erotic creatures on earth. Long - smooth legs; powerful - yet feminine loins; and a taste in fashion that comprehends both masculine & feminine insights. There's just so much in one package. Almost seems unfair, doesn't it?

As admirer's evolve and gain more comfort with their attraction to transgenders, they usually begin to comprehend this fascination runs much deeper than mere sexual desires. It's rooted in the very essence of a transgender persona: and in themselves. The way these unique women meld the peculiarities of both genders can be intoxicating. She seems to grasp things most genetic females will never learn. Thus, she understands you. Something...and we'll explore this more later, touches the very soul of the more experienced admirer.

So with all these things being right...why's it feel so wrong to admit you're attracted to a tranz-woman?

g-word obstacles

Pretty much every straight guy faces a big challenge getting past the g-word obstacle. His sexual desires & natural leanings tug in one direction while the cerebral alter-ego upstairs asks the hard question:

"What if somebody I know saw me with this creature?

Sound familiar?

Why's that such a big hang up? Simple. In society's present opinion, to admit to this type of attraction is to acknowledge a gay inclination. If someone isn't homosexual, such a conflict causes a great deal of confusion. The comforting news? It's been my experience that most t-girl admirers are not gay. Unfortunately, there's still not an accurate label for straight males attracted to transgenders. They remain some unidentified subset of the gay, transgender or bisexual worlds. Interestingly, only a small percentage of the total number of t-girls classify themselves as bi or gay, as well.

Why do most outsiders first think we're all gay. Beyond the obvious, I think the fact most lay-people's first encounter to gender-bending is through DRAG - plays a part in this misconception. Alas, most DRAG performers are very gay and very proud to be so. The rising interest in transgenderism is helping to improve our plight but generally speaking? It's still a big mess.

So what's the sexual orientation of a man or woman attracted to a transgender?

Good question...

sexual orientation versus gender identity

Before you can develop an informed opinion on the proper sexual orientation of tranz-admirers, it's helpful to comprehend the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. A person's sexual orientation is defined as their ideal choice for a sexual partner (either men or women).

Nobody knows for certain why some people are most easily attracted to members of the opposite sex (heterosexual) or the same sex (homosexual). Some scientists feel we're all born with the potential for bisexuality. Others tout biological factors: including a specific inherited gene or the effect of hormones in the mother's womb on the fetus.

Some believe ones sexual orientation is derived primarily from social and psychological factors. They site examples of men who get involved in a same-sex physical relationship in a limited supply environment (prison) but return to heterosexuality once this condition changes.

Regardless of which side of the Trading Places (certainly one of Eddie Murphy's best movies) equation you buy into? One thing's for sure: the feminine expression or transgenderism adds a whole new dimension to this already complex equation.

In this variation, you add a feminine presentation, persona & gender identity - to a male body. Regardless if this person's a girl on a full-time basis or just a weekender - she believes, she feels, she acts, and she looks just like a woman! In fact, anatomical differences aside: she's often more feminine than many women.

In other words: her gender identity is female. Just because she feels compelled to alter her presentation doesn't mean she also adjusts her sexual orientation. In fact, most tranz-women are never attracted to men. A smaller percentage are only drawn to men when they're in a female persona: never otherwise. Of course, there's a final group that only seeks male sexual partners.

Thus, if a straight male is attracted genetic females & now finds himself drawn to transgender women...does this mean his sexual orientation is changing?

I don't think so.

old school thinking

The old school of thought says that men who chase tranz-girls are pursuing latent homosexual desires. The story goes that such individuals are not yet comfortable being intimate with another masculine male. They see the soft femininity of a t-girl as the perfect middle ground to explore this craving.

In today's world of broader acquiescence of homosexuality this logic seems far less likely. Why? Because in today's world? It's actually easier to be accepted as gay...than to be attracted to the more confusing role of transgenders. Those old-school stepping stones? Ironically, they're now reversed.

Another problematic issue with this line of thought?

Guess which men are never sexually attracted to tranz-women? You guessed it: gay males. Why's that? Gay men are attracted to a great deal more than a penis. They feel most comfortable being intimate with a manly persona, touch, & smell. They're drawn by the very essence of masculinity. Ever seen an effeminate-type male in a gay promotional advertisement? I don't think so....*Laugh* You'll find rugged-types or the boy-next-door look.

Finally, most new admirers show an increasing propensity to be attracted exclusively to tranz-types & genetic females. Their desire never transformed into a homosexual orientation.

Old school thinking?

It's out of touch.

it's not just men

While almost no gay man would ever go there with a tranz-woman, the opposite holds true for lesbians. Lots of gay women find tranz-types appealing. They're perquisite? Oh, sure... a highly feminine body is a big plus. However, the most important criteria? No male edge: she's got to have a female soul & a refined sense of being. Lots of tranz-women have this essence & are a target of gay female affections.

Guess what else?

There's also a growing number of straight women drawn to transsexual females. These women were often always somewhat drawn to other women but never enough to cross that line. Many can recall their fascination with another woman's breasts, softer skin & hair. One thing most these women had no real attraction to? The vaginal area. As one one woman shared with me: "I would gander at a Playboy magazine as a young girl & simply marvel at a woman's breasts & body. However, I could never bring myself to become intimate with another female. Honestly? The whole vaginal-thing is disgusting to my senses. I don't mind my own...I just don't want anything to do with someone else's. But when I'm with my transsexual partner? Her breasts, those hips, her soft lips, her feminine touch...they drive me crazy. And the fact she's still butch down below? That's total heaven. I get everything I want."

So whose gay & whose straight?

Good question.

Read on...

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