"The Transsexual Woman"

  from russia with love

Writing about my youth & business history was challenging. Honestly? I got very depressed from that effort. I'm not compelled to reflect further upon how I got where I'm presently situated. Old friends will note some omissions...the failed marriage, my brutal attack, a life in-and-out of gender...etc. Some of these experiences are chronicled in my public journals. The rest? I don't see much value in sharing further details. Alas, every tranz-woman's got a victim story: mine's not unique. It might be vogue for tranz-women to scribe an autobiography but don't ever expect that from me. I prefer to make just one payment for the same piece of emotional real estate.

Still...one important element of my transition remains unexplored: Red's daughter...Tatiana. Simply stated: that child changed my life. I was lucky enough to become friends with my father before his death. Additionally, I had quality time with my mother before she passed. However, my sense of family remained a shrinking proposition. Tatiana changed that. I now embrace...even seek - new members to my extended family.

This young lady's my hero. Literally born & raised in a brutal Russian orphanage, she displays the sort of courage with life & living that forever reminds me that if I'm still breathing? My work here on earth isn't yet complete. When I got depressed & became disillusioned with living it was our relationship that reminded me why I needed to stick around.

My dreams remain a driving force of my existence. However, it's the growing number of children in my life that provides the fuel that powers those dreams.

Without them?

My life's meaningless.

surviving gender cancer

Here's an interesting paradox...

If a woman endures five-torturous years battling cancer, nearly dying in that process, losing many of her possessions in the turmoil...including a marriage - and she survives this trauma?

Do you know what we call this woman?

A hero.

However...if a woman's deadly cancer is transsexuality and she suffers & survives a similar plight...know how lots of people choose to describe her?

A pervert.

You 'gotta love human beings...

As a species, we're roughly 25,000 years old. Modern man represents only about 4,000 of those years. ..yet somehow every present generation is convinced they know everything...about everything.

We're a nation only a hundred years from knowing left-handedness was a sign of the devil, seventy-five years from considering women too inept to vote, and just fifty years from comprehending the color of one's skin meant no more about human nature than the color of one's hair.

You'd think after all this time one point would be exceedingly clear...we're just now learning who we really are - as living, loving creatures. Alas, mob mentality continues to rule. Male & female seems so concrete to those unaware of the complexities of transsexualism. Additionally, we're socialized to relate with people based upon gender. We're taught from childhood how we're to interact with men & how we're supposed to treat women. Thus, when someone learns a tranz-person's identity after first treating them as the gender they represent - they're often angered...sometimes even violent.

These circumstances add anguish to an already tough journey. I liken our experience to the emotions shared by soldiers returning from Vietnam. They didn't choose to fight that battle - it chose them. When they returned a survivor from doing what they had to do? Some were spit upon. Others remained forever scarred from the battles.

I'm a survivor. I fought a war...a battle within myself, a struggle within my body, and a mêlée within my mind. Know what else? I won. The world can think as it pleases. If I learned anything from this voyage it's that my self-image is the only impression that matters.

I'm in a good place. My life’s becoming increasingly normal. I like that - even more than I anticipated. I go out of my way to keep it that way. Importantly: I've regained my ability to focus. As I overloaded with hormones my mental capacity was a mess. Admittedly, I was never a poster-child for mental health but I'm once again competent with analyzing complex opportunities in search of solutions.

Where am I now?

I'm back - and better than ever before. I'm no longer stretched thin by living two separate yet entirely unequal lives. I'm enjoying one healthy existence.

The bottom line? I'm blessed.

where i'm headed...

I own a new perspective about men. One advantage to being a tranz-female? We often better understand those subjects men most adore: their work...and themselves. I recently spoke with a very successful man for almost three hours. He subsequently told my friend that I was the most interesting women he'd ever encountered. Guess what? During those three hours? He never inquired about what I did or had done. I was simply the first female who knew so much about what he did and was also willing to continually probe his innermost desires, leanings, and issues. Most women with equal insights? They won't waste three hours on such an egocentric creature.

I was once equally self-absorbed with my own issues, career and sense of self-worth. I suppose it was fitting punishment to listen to my former self...for hours on end.

I'm presently in the midst of rebuilding my life & launching a new business venture. This new company will hopefully begin in earnest in 2007 but the official launch will likely take place in 2008. By default, I hope to build one of the first significant entrepreneurial enterprises created & managed by a tranz-female. Honestly? It's a little overwhelming. I lost pretty much every sense of a business platform during my transition. Thus, it's taken more time to achieve the basics than I first hoped. Alas, I'm gaining a new depth of understanding for the word: patient.

I hope to share details of my new activities as they evolve. Unfortunately, competitive & market-place issues might make that impossible: it remains a coin toss as I have more to lose than gain by promoting my business interests in my tranz-world. If you don't understand that? You don't live in my reality...((hugs))

Finally, I'm trying to unearth a viable business model for tranz-women that can't find a decent post-transition career - we need it.

I like to believe my greatest success is yet to come. I understand that accomplishment will be a combination of life, loving & living...not some fixed point in space.

Outside of all this?

I've got a few passions.

Want to know what they are?

Read on...

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